The army had imparted me with plenty of life skills and no doubt moulded me into a better individual. There were much to be learnt from mixing with friends and superiors from various background. I was particularly impressed by the meticulous mindset that all of them had towards work. In the army, we believe that 'Devil is in the detail', which means that small things in plans and schemes that are often overlooked can cause serious problems later on. Hence I have developed a more cautious attitude towards any work given to me.
The valuable skill that I have taken out of army will definitely come to play for my stay here in NUS. We are surrounded by details everyday, such as the design on the wall of your faculty or even the print on your bottle. By paying attention to details, we not only make lesser mistakes in our work but also learn to be more appreciative of life's smallest pleasure that often go unnoticed.
A pleasure to read :)
ReplyDeleteSpotted minor mistake: Hence(,) I had developed....
Cheers :D
Indeed, it is a pleasure to read.
Deletenot sure this is correct, but i am just suggesting : instead of "superiors of various background", "superiors from various background" sounds better.
ReplyDeleteGood suggestion. 'From' here suggests a point of origin.
DeleteJust suggesting, instead of using "At the start", "initially" might sound better.
ReplyDeleteBoth are acceptable. Initially is more formal.
DeleteSuggestion:
ReplyDeleteBy paying attention to details, we (without the can) not only make lesser mistakes in our work but also (learn) to be more appreciative...
:)
You suggested a correct sentence structure. Good job.
DeleteJiesheng,
ReplyDeleteContent and organisation:
Your reflective writing flows very well from the beginning to the end. The description of your experiences in the army is clear, interesting and in great depth. You also elaborated on what you learned, your feelings towards the army and how these skills benefit you now. It is so good that you do not need to start it with the statement 'The reflection that I will be writing on has to do with my two years in the army.'
Language:
1. Think about the use of tenses: 'had' = past perfect; 'have' =present perfect tense. In the sentence below, it is better for you to use have. Do you know why?
Incorrect: The valuable skill that I 'had brought out' of...
Incorrect: Hence I had developed a more cautious attitude towards any work given to me.
Compared with the correct usage in this sentence:
Correct: I was particularly impressed by the meticulous mindset that all of them had towards work.
2. Instead of using 'brought out', consider using 'have taken'
'Brought out' just means you are revealing something you have. It does not suggest you got it from a place.
'Have taken' means there is something at a place (in this case, knowledge and skills) and you took it with you.